Remembering College, Embracing Reality

I never had to face a crossroad but there was a time when i did come across two very different roads and i took the one which wasn't less traveled. I had my reasons, you'll find your own but you will have to choose a certain path, one path out of the ones you encounter. So, better pray for a single path and wish that it turns out to be the best for you.

16 July, 2008...Orientation. Then it all started. 4 years of bliss, ultimate freedom and rediscovery. Man, unbelievable! College started from the next day. 5th block with a room-mate of my hometown. Things looked good. 4 years later, things look unbelievably amazing.
Needless to say, time flew like that early bird, who was eager to poop as soon as possible in order to go catch the worm. College may not be the same everywhere but i bet people enjoy this Life to the maximum wherever they are but screw you, mine was better than yours.

These 4 years were important even though it might need some more time to prove the written and for the effects to show up or the defects, maybe. The favorable part of this era was that i had the sense to retrospect each semester. Every 6 months, it was a new lesson and a new beginning of the same old chapters. Not in the 3rd year though, that one year passed with the speed and precision of an expert sniper's reflexes. Also, it was on target too as it was painful at times and was full of disappointments. It was too fucked up to give a fuck about and i was so glad when 4th year started. I never got a chance to look back on 3rd year until 4th year started and when i did, it really did scared the shit out of me. Not because it was a big disaster but because it could have gotten so much worse, there was immense scope for that. Man, it was something. soon, 4th year took on full speed and life kinda came on track.

I'll remember these 4 years for:

• Friends, what would have life been without them.
• The Freedom.
• Rediscovery of an untested passion
• Realizations,  good or/and bad. 
• People, Society and why they suck.
• Wrong decisions and how to correct them.
• Forgiving, the ones who matter but not forgetting anything/anyone.
• and finally, more Friends.
• And yes, the Final year. Topping them all was the last night. It was when i figured out what they exactly mean by 'Emotions Overflowing'.  

Phew, A journey of a Lifetime. Easily unforgettable and the best teacher, ever, of course after my Father.
Finally, as i always say:

"People who miss their school the most are the ones who never went to college or the ones who are geeky nerds."

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Playing in my Head: Radio baj raha hai, too many songs!

Words: A Thank You Note

We are all independently dependent on words. The case is not the same with words. They are like a free bird, coming exactly at the right time when you need some company, you just have to make sure that your hands are full of grains. Slowly, they will start picking up those pieces of grains and will happily get lost in their food, without even giving a fuck about your not-required-anymore presence. But, eventually you'll know what they did by this not-so-cruel act. They were able to bring a little smile on your face, a little satisfaction to your disturbed soul and some rest to your crazy mind. They play their part perfectly and as soon as they are done or rather you are done, they will happily go away somewhere, boundless and free. Same is the case with words, exactly the same. I can never recall an instance when i have pined for words and my Diary or this Blog has gone blank, never. They come when you need them, just make sure you have a motive strong enough to attract them. And once their purpose is served, they follow the path of a free bird leaving you behind with a rather satisfied muse that was trying to play with your heart, mind and soul.
This is just an attempt to thank them. Words deserve a lot more respect than we give. They are not under-rated but then they are not appropriately respected too. I hate it when petty words are used continuously for grand schemes and some rather strong words are wasted on an even more wasted cause. But more on that in another post. I'll just keep it plain and simple. Thank you, words...that poem i wrote describing your essence and your immense presence in this life seemed like it didn't really did justice to the cause because i kind of wandered to a different zone, towards the latter half. Hence, this post.
Thanks buddy, Don't block me, ever.
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Playing in my Head : "Use somebody" by Kings of Leon.

Not-So-Nonsensical Sense of Trivia

Everything matters. Everything seeks reason. The reasons always vary as do the people. But yes, they do matter. This is the essence of Trivia. From this blog that you are reading to the blog that you chose not to read any further, everything matters.
Not that you have to see the importance. No, you don't have to. More so because it may not always be Important. You see, Triviality is relative. What may seem important to you may not deserve the same importance in my life. The fruit that has fallen from a tree may not be of much value for you. For you, it might just be another fruit that has been devoid of it's Mamma branch but for the fruit it might be the worst day. Or take a street urchin, for him that fruit can prove to be a happy dinner meal. Gladly for him, the time and energy he would have wasted on that fruit with his novice wayward shots at it using the stones lying around was saved. Gladly for the stone, he wasn't moved from his preferred state of stability to that roller coaster kind of ride onto some random fruit on a tree. All these were subtle facts for someone like you or me but it wasn't the same for people who were attached to these instances.

This is the relativity of triviality. For a corrupt Policeman, taking a 100rs note from a poor vendor might be pretty trivial but for that poor vendor, it might be a reason for frustration and anger which gives him sleepless nights, which may further result in that vendor killing that policeman out of misery and revenge. In another case, this frustration and anger which renders him incapable of maintaining his financial condition stable may result in that vendor committing suicide along with his family.

For a teacher who keeps on harassing a  student for some particular mischief he committed a long back may seem to be trivial for the teacher but for the student it might lead him to finally leave that school/college. Or even worse, he may end up taking out the petrol from his teacher's bike/car and setting it on fire with the same petrol. This because it is making the life hell for that student. Revenge isn't that sweet on the receiving end.

Finally, take this post. This might be a trivial post of no importance to you and as a matter of fact, it is. But for this blog, this one post after so many days might be everything that it actually needed all along. For the person who wrote this, the post might be the only way to some much pined peace of mind that he was vying for helplessly on some stupid social networking site. 

This is what i wanted to say. Nothing is trivial. Everything means something. Every offense offends, every word shouts, every broken promise hurts, every memory recreates, every fuck counts. Every thing matters. Don't say it unless you mean it and don't take it unless you need it. Moreover, don't make fun of anything. It might mean the world to someone. Trivia is nothing is trivia.

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Playing in my head: 'Bailiya' by the band Faakhir.

Words...I need you tonight

On a Journey...

He was high on Poison. They didn't kill him, they took him on a ride, a long journey. Wandering in disdain, looking for a familiar yet solitary place. Here and there, reached nowhere. Probably he was running in circles. Well, at least the places were familiar and he ended up at the same place where he started.

I pined some words tonight

never have they abandoned me

craved in sincere misery or glee

I need them again tonight.

You might not understand them

maybe you don't know them

but they know you well

they understand you well

perhaps, even more than you

perhaps, even more than me

I pined some words tonight

worthless, voiceless not soulless

ageless, ruthless not lifeless

desolating me, define you and fail

You might not hear them cry

blame your soul, even soldiers cry

society, customs, religion and gold

blinded by lust, as if sun-rays of gold

definitely, sweeter than your revenge

definitely, stronger than my desires

I pined some words tonight

rapes, murders and money they abominate

resolved to awake you they readily circulate

happily will they guide you, every night.

I wrote these words tonight

still excited, perhaps i am tired

hoping you'll wake up soon

you ain't even sleeping you know

take these words, you need my niche

I'll survive, of discomfort no one dies.

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Playing in my head : 'Society' by Eddie Vedder

To Kill a Genuine Expectation?

I don't mind people. I don't mind that they have opinions. Actually, different human beings have different opinions and this creates a lot of confusion. The worst part, opinion of the Majority is what actually counts and the rest us are left  abandoned and labeled as a Minority. 

Coming back to the point, i was always amused by the pretty famous quote by someone that goes something like this 

"Never expect anything from anyone, because expectation always hurts."

This never made sense to me. The first part never and the latter, a few times. But I still never fail to expect things from OTHERS. 

There are 2 aspects of this debate. 'Who are the OTHERS' and 'What to expect'.

Let's start with 'Others'. They are not everyone around you, not everyone you meet. They are those special people in your Life whom you Love and who claim to Love you. Be it your Friends, Family, Better-half or the Night watchman in your Apartment. If they claim to care about you, they should and must stand up to your expectations and you have the full right to expect from them, and so do they.

Now comes the question, What to expect ? Well, as long as you are not expecting insanities like Stars, Moon and Magical Herbs from the Himalayas etc. you are on the right track. If you expect them to run on your commands or do everything according to your wish, you are wrong. If you expect them to laugh with you when you are right and laugh with you even when you are wrong, you are wrong. Actually, it's not always the unfulfilled expectation that hurts, it's actually your over-the-moon expectations that hurt, you hurt yourself, you are to blame for your own misery. This is how things work and this is what makes sense. If you are living your life on the above lines, you don't have the effing right to claim that expectations hurt.

Having said that, what if even your most genuine expectations are not answered, time and again. Blimey, it's time you realized that the person whom you thought to be your closest one, wasn't actually. You made a wrong decision, you chose the wrong person, you prioritized all the wrong relationships. Perhaps, it's the time to let them go. Or if they are too close to you, so close that you can't even imagine letting them go then keep them and suffer, cause they are your weakness. No matter how many times, your expectations are met or not, you won't let them go, irrespective of whether it hurts or not.

Besides, you have the full right now to expect something good from me since you landed here. You were right to expect and it's my fault if i haven't satisfied you enough. Having said that, the fact remains that this is my place, Bitches! I get to write what i want. But without wax, i hope this made some sense in your life.

Also, this was just an attempt to write a post in this otherwise dormant blog. I have stopped writing poems because classes are over and i am unable to find any time to waste on rhyming words. so, thanks for bearing with this rather subtle post, especially since today is 14th Feb, Happy Valentine's Day Guys!

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Playing in my Head - Too many songs, leave it. Enjoy and Cheers...

Juliet and the Angel

The best i could come up with.

She was a father's dream, a mother's pride
a sister's hope and a brother's delight
she was a special soul, angel in disguise
ready to bloom, a flower in her prime

Her papa said, "Darling, this is a cruel world"
She said, "I have grown up now, you needn't care"

She fell in the trap of a game called love
a self proclaimed Juliet, she chose to revolt
she took her own decisions, made her own destiny
fate had some other plans to make it a misery

An alleged Romeo, cigarettes and whiskey for company
some pseudo friends who basked in her fake glory
with Romeo by her side, she drowned in some wine
a flower was plucked, she lost something priceless that night

She fled with him in haste to a land miles away
tasted real life without money or a place to stay
friends became ghost, the Romeo left her blue
the day he discovered that the flower carried a seed too

She cried for days, drowned in sorrow and despair
afraid to return back home, decided to disappear
with the baby inside her, walked on to the pier
a familiar voice stopped her, the angel was here

A stray old close friend whom she chose to forget
stood there firmly and she cried in regret
memories answered as winds of change stroked her face
crying like a child, she ran into his arms, feeling more than just safe

He said i am glad i could almost make it on time
i was always yours but you were never mine
i walked away fearing i will never get you back
but i swear that i tried my best to get you on track

Now one last time, i dare you to escape this night
take my hand and i will make everything alright
wipe your tears, make you smile, even die for you
in the name of God i swear, i have always loved you

Timeline of life rolled through her perturbed mind
moment of truth embraced the moment of realization
thirsty lips suddenly found an ocean to exhaust
unrequited love returned, faith was restored.

Papa was really right all along, she sighed
"Darling, this is a cruel world." Indeed, she cried.


PS - This one took a whole lifetime to complete...phew!

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Playing in my head - "Brendan's Death Song" by RHCP

120 minutes, for those who matter!

For those who matter the most

Time, in its truest form is something which is rarely invested in subjects most important to us. Well, money and work, both go hand in hand and the reason why we work to earn money is never actually attributed to that reason. We rant that we work for our loved ones and for our needs but sadly, at the end of the day, the ones who are least rewarded are the same people!


Quoting Jesse from the 1995 movie, "Before Sunrise" -
"You know what drives me crazy? It's all these people talking about how great technology is, and how it saves all this time. But, what good is saved time, if nobody uses it? If it just turns into more busy work."

Makes sense, right?
So If you had two extra hours in a day, how would you spend it? Look at your life, Technology definitely gives you more time but you spend it by doing even more work. You have Washing Machines, Computers, Vehicles and other machines that do your work instantaneously and thus gives you more time, which instead of using for even more work, one must actually spend on themselves and their loved ones.

If i had 2 extra hours in a day, i would "waste" it all in the company of my family, love of my life and in the lap of mother nature- because they are the 3 most beautiful part of my life and actually everyone's life. I would fulfill all their wishes, keep my promises, make them feel loved, cared and most important of all, give them what they want the most from me - my time. I would take my family on a car ride to see the beauty of nature and teach them to appreciate it. I would just sit with them, let them talk, be there to listen, be there for them.

All this is a fiction, no one's giving you 2 extra hours because basically you don't need them. We all have those 2 extra hours, 120 extra minutes, just that we haven't realized its importance yet. By default, we have programmed our self to "invest" that extra time that we have in doing more work and earning more money instead of "wasting" it on our loved ones, the ones who really require our spare time, if not our already occupied time.
The sooner we figure this out, the better for us because work can wait, even money can wait...but time, you know right? Time and tide waits for none!