Until Hell Freezes Over !!!

i like to call it "Until Hell Freezes Over"...








Some days to remember, some days to forget,
a tomorrow to believe in, a past to regret;
a cloud of memories, showers rain of agony,
as drenched in my misery, i sing this symphony;
this misery gives me company, just like a mistress,
as we spend every night, making love in distress;
the shadows never leave me, as i try to act sober,
there seems no end to this, until hell freezes over...


some days to arrive, some days for good-bye,
a dream to cherish, a reality hard to buy;
a rose of October, was the fragrance of my life,
now thorns are what left, hurts more than a knife;
i drink this goblet of pain, like a nectar so divine,
and i love it in my system, just like bitter wine;
still the shadows never leave me, as i try to act sober,
there seems no end to this, until hell freezes over...


that's it people, my first tryst with poems/songs on the blog...do comment and let me know your views!

pic courtesy - www.selfhelpdaily.com

hiding from the FUTURE

future - well, its one of those things about which i really think a lot, really much more than i should. but i just can't help it because it never spares me, haunting my soul like nothing else. its not the future in respect to wealth, position, family or career etc. the future that i am referring to is the LIFE that i will have once i enter corporate world accompanied with family ties and responsibilities. no, i am not afraid of responsibilities, nor am i afraid of working my ass off in some stupid MNC after leaving my first job in a MRC(just in case). but what i really hate is the fact that i will have to give up all that freedom, all that fun and all that moments i am enjoying right now. college life, when you have found that perfect comfort zone, will rock you like a hurricane and make your life a joyous ride in a roller coaster, giving u thrills, shocks and head banging times which finally comes to a perfectly happy, never to forget halt in the end.
i know that we might still live the same life, still go for movies, still hit the pubs and discs, still get into a fight(though not for a stupid reason like we do in college) and much much more but accept it or not, its never gonna be the same, not even close. and i am really scared to live that life, because it will just be living, it wont be romancing with life, like what it is now. and stop racing your mind in case you think i am being pessimistic, cause if i am being anything at all, then its called being realistic. i have seen many people change once they are out of college, once they are out on their own legs in this mean world and i am sure you will find more examples around you...and for god's sake, i don't wanna change. thoughts like this really bother me, and i let them do this because i can do anything to escape this nightmare. i want to live my life my own way but the fact that i would never be able to do so makes me more depressed and disheartened.
10 years down the line, i may be anything and i really don't care what...but this life i have, i will miss it just like i miss kurt cobain, or in fact maybe more than that. there won't be anymore night-outs, no more continuous leg pulling, no more endless discussions on useless topics, no more day dreaming, no more post exam discussions, no more adda-baazi, no more downloads of all types of soft-wares and games possible, no more counter strike(how can i forget this), no more parties for the most idiotic and meaningless achievements, no more late night goof-ups, no more vellapanti, no more group viewing of our favorite movies again nd again...nd besides these and many things else that i can't single out now, no more endless sessions of doing nothing but sitting in company of all your buddies and passing time doing nothing.
i know, i still have a MINIMUM of 1.5 years or 1 year actually before i have to leave my comfort zone and step in to the real world...but i guess i am not yet ready for it. oh, i wish i could just keep on repeating these times again and again. please god, if not this, then at least give me a PENSIEVE so that i can store all my memories there and review it whenever and wherever i wish. these are the times when i am forced to think that life is such a bitch and it sucks so much. we all keep running away from our past at sometime in our life, and i am not different from each one of you out there. along with running away from my past i am also trying to hide from my future even though i know both are impossible, but u see, that's what the world calls "HUMAN TENDENCY" and i am one among them only. good night world :)

pic courtesy : blog.northstarmanifesto.com

alphaville-forever young !!!

no,no,no don't go on the name. i am not gonna post the lyrics of this song. this is something that i expect you all to do after reading this post, besides listening to this mind bending song.
this is not a hard rock head banging song nor a classic eminem rap...its a normal single from the great 1980's but the reason that it deserves a post is that the song makes you realize so many things,so many simple things that you would have never realized before listening to this song.
to begin with, atleast i agree with song that i do wanna be forever young because life becomes so monotonous when you get to your late 30's and it gets even worse from thereon, except if you are vijay mallya!!!
the best part was the one where it tells about the normal human tendency to "hope" for the best but to "expect" the worse...strange but so true. and no wonder, at some point of time, in their life, people do think why don't they stay young, just like i am thinking now and maybe you are too!!! besides all that, even though things are never in our control but still we never say never, we never give up and we keep on trying,isn't it !
oh yeah...who wants to die. so many great songs are still left to be heard,by god, really even though i find a couple of new songs almost everyday, still my playlist seems to be incomplete always because there's still plenty of songs to enjoy, plenty of songs to dance to and plenty of songs to learn from, just like this one here!!!
well, just think once and you will realize that there were so many things that you had planned to do,so many dreams you had, so many people you planned to meet, so may places you wanted to visit and to do all this in this short life suddenly seems to be impossible.
well, there's much more to this song but i will leave that for you to figure out. listen to this song asap and feel what this song wants to say!!! hope you all love it !
PS- while writing this,felt like i was giving a hindi exam from school days where we had to explain a poem line by line.i wish those poems would have been like this song, i would have written a book on them, if not an encyclopedia. :)

light at the end of the tunnel

well we all are quite familiar with this famous quote from i don't know who and you will find this being used by many people like a zillion times in their life.
to begin with, in case u wanted to be sure, then the meaning of this quote is
the end of a difficult period or job
the only question that bothers me right now, given the state of mind that i have, what to do till the time that light doesn't shows up??? i mean even if i believe that there IS a light at the end of tunnel i am in right now, then what am i supposed to do till then. you just can't wait for that light, cause you don't know when its gonna show up, in 2-3 days or 2-3 years or 2-3 decades??? can anyone know that and worse, what if, this is a tunnel without an opening, what if there is no LIGHT as such, not even a waver of light for that case.
agree or disagree with me, but not all problems have a solution that is feasible. take for example the kashmir issue or indo-china issue. why didn't anyone come up with a solution for that till now which could be accepted by both the parties? can we even imagine a light at the end of this tunnel. you can't answer this even after 500 years i bet. not because its impossible but just because some questions don't have that perfect answer which can please everyone.
well leave that for now. but i really need to know what one should do while waiting for that light to shine bright, bringing with itself happiness, satisfaction and acceptance. but before that light even shows a little flicker, what is a person supposed to do. we all know very well, that in situations like these, everything feels like shit and nothing can make you "feel good". and in moments like this, which make you feel helpless and weak and god knows what all, there seems to be no end to the suffering.
i could easily go on for pages on the topic because i need to find the answers to this asap. i am ending this post not on a conclusive note but as a question for you all. what to do when you are going crazy due to problems you know that may not give solutions in your favor, not even anywhere near that. what to do if that light is just too far from you and the probability of tushar kapoor giving a hit suddenly feels more than that of you seeing that light at the end of the tunnel. what to do at these times except running while shouting loudly and madly on streets, talking like crazy to yourself and sleeping all day along.
do you have the answers???

New CBSE grade system disappoints me :

This batch of 2009-10, which has been introduced to the latest nostalgic act of the great CBSE have nothing to gain but everything to loose. This system, which was launched with a motive to reduce the pressure on the students and the parents alike, but other than the parents part, it does nothing to reduce the pressure on the students. And well, as far as parents are considered, with all due respect but very frankly, this generation mom-dad, they really suck big time. Every time when a new child is born in a normal middle class family or above, he becomes a subject of great care, such care of which clearly i would never approve for. CARE for these mom-dads has a wide variety of meanings, ranging from educational excellence (of course, it’s inevitable) to excellence in anything and everything that is in their control and reach, which sometimes, even depends on what khanna ji’s or mishra ji’s or choudhary ji’s child is up to.WTF !!! Take a break people. Enrolling a new born angel in karate, swimming, cricket, lawn tennis, singing, dancing and god knows what not is not going to make him a multi-talented superstar but instead that angel will turn in to a spoiled brat. And he will grow up to be a big bully or sad-ass or maybe worse. Well, coming back to the topic, take a look at the scoring guidelines, much like the system that works so well in colleges...

91-100 – A1
81 -90 – A2
71 -80 – B1
61-70 – B2
51 -60 – C1
41 -50 – C2
33-40 – D
21-32 – E1
00-20 – E2

So for the students, this system is bringing smiles on the faces of students all throughout the country. What people don’t realize is that it’s nothing but a short lived fantasy that has a life span less than that of a butterfly. This system makes the whole motive of conducting the board exams a waste. Actually, now the students won’t have anything to study for. Its all happy happy for the mediocre students who will manage to get a cgpa above 8 easily.but this system will suck when it comes to the students who are going to miss the magic number 9 by 2-3 marks or even less. This will make admissions in high schools even more difficult because then there will be no major crossbar for the selections. Yeah, i agree that suicides will be less now but then i wonder if anyone’s ever going to understand the meaning of the word failure now. And people who even think of committing suicide, maybe in the name of marks (grades, welcome to 2010) or love and other dumb reasons, please for the sake of your mom-dad, grow up. Come to me and i will give you a million other reasons to die for,that will at least make the world a better place to live rather than wasting your life for a dumb mate or some lame grades.
Gone are the days now, when 10th marks used to form a integral part of your CV or other important job applications. These certificates will serve as nothing more but mere identification proofs now. That’s the way to go CBSE...go gO GO !!!

Manchester United-my creation (1993 vs 2010)

these are the 2 pics which clearly show the rise of manchester united as a team...throughout the years,as we kept on rising....liverpool stayed at a standstill...this is the answer to them..."YOU TOLD US TO COME BACK WHEN HE HAD 18....WE ARE BACK" !!!!

IIT,NIT...blah blah blah....lets go play cricket :)

well,this is an entry that i made in a word file when i was in class 9 and it was november i guess.since then,the next few lines had quietly slept in my folder named NILAY fully secured with a 16 letter long password !!! i guess now its time for it to wake up and take shelter in this blog till the time fate chooses.
and pls,just keep in mind that this was written by me when i was 15 yrs old,quite young and free,much free than i am now,free from everything that binds me now.so here it goes.....

It was a five day tour,and it was sponsored by international RYLA or rotary club.it was known as Rotary Youth Leadership Awards.and my first tour out of Jamshedpur,my place and that too without my parents,I was too excited to think anything else.last year also one same event was organised but it focused on adventurous activities and was held in a "naxal prone area" , as it was put by my family and I was not allowed to go,but this year it aimed on personality development,ethics and all those crap.Though the topics were pretty much boring or as it seemed to be but I was not going to miss my first all alone trip that too outside bihar,jharkand.The previous year many students of my class had gone for RYLA but this year it was only me and one of my friend GAUTAM.well,the other guys and galz gave a pretext that now they were in class 9 and were supposed to study as studies are now suddenly more important because we are in higher classes,things are not the same now.well,I could never understand how suddenly everyone had changed so drastically.suddenly there was a increase in seriousness among my friends and they were joining tuition for almost all the subjects.well,I could not understand why.sometimes,when we used to sit during recess in a group,I could not understand the topic of discussion.i managed to catch only a few words like IIT and NIT,but i could never understand who they were exactly.so,I generally used to move away from them and join others,sometimes playing cricket or sometimes playing “truth or dare” or sometimes chatting on all those topics except “study”,the enemy of the YOUTH of india.anything new you try to do,the first stone in your path comes in the form of “study”,and everything gets stuck where it started.matters really worsen if you are from Jamshedpur,better known as TATAnagar after the leading steel company TATA STEEL,which is placed here.the first and the last thing in the mind of a child here is ENGINEERING.its not their fault though,they all have only seen one thing since they were born , ENGINEERS.and i was not an exception,I was one of them,and I really liked engineering and wanted to be one,one of the reason being my love for physics but the main reason being that........

and it goes on for about 10-15 lines more.but what i wanted to say was that....this kid mentioned above soon fell into the same trap...the trap which he hated the most at that time....the trap that took away those wonderful breaks during class hours(when we played cricket),the trap that tried to capture his freedom....the same trap.i mean,sooner or later,i too found myself working my ass off to get into IIT,NIT etc....yeah,working my ass off to fall into the same trap that i once despised.And people say life is fun,maybe it is,but its not way that 15 year old boy would have ever wished it to be,NEVER....and hey....THE RACE FOR THOSE IIT,NIT etc STILL CONTINUESSSSS....so,now who wants to play cricket,anyone ?!!?!!?!!?!!? ;-)