Happy Birthday SAM

Tonight, as i type this post...even the music of Dire Straits playing in my headphone is finding it difficult to give me any type of comfort. This is something rare, cause music rarely betrays anyone. Tonight, it is different, because the clock shows the time is past 12am, its his BIRTHDAY, it is Sam's Birthday.

Sam, during our last party in Vikas.

Sam, or Samanyoya Kulari, his original name, was as strange as his real name. He was of the kind which is impossible to ignore and impossible to hate. Our friendship developed during those 2 years in Vikas, from where we passed our High School, and those 2 years were enough to make us very good friends. The fact that Vikas was a place where friends were the only thing you prized most and needed most, made it easier to develop that bond among us and many other guys and resulted in a friendship that will last long enough, longer than us i guess.

All smiles, before separation!

The best part about our very own Oriya Stud Sam, that forced me to dislike him for the first time, was his attitude towards everyone. No matter how much a guy pissed him off or how good a guy was, his attitude was same towards them. His approach was different only towards his close ones, his close friends. I mean he seriously didn't knew how to hate buggers and big assholes. I was actually kinda envy of him, i seriously could never behave normally with someone i hated the most. That's why i didn't really liked him at first, but later when i came to know him completely, i understood that it was his nature, it was his attitude to not let others guide his senses, which was actually pretty good, something which we all lack. He meant it when he said "why should my mind even think of someone who is even more useless than a  used matchstick".

During our semi reunion in 2008(Jamshedpur)

There was nothing that came in between us, once i understood him. You ask everyone who knew him, for some he was a "love guru", for some he was a "chill guru" and for some he was a true friend...for me, he was that part of my life, which taught me some important lessons of life that no textbook or teacher could ever teach me.

He was a good student, a very bright student, not that it matters, but it needs a special mention. He was the reason i started hating DEATH so much, he was the beginning of the realisation inside me what a cruel thing death was, how we can't control our lives, how our life still has to move on without the ones we love, how difficult it is to lose something you can't replace! His and a few more precious lives that i lost, led to this poem i wrote a few months back on death.

Sometime, during my second year in college, in 2009 i guess...one rare day when i forgot to take my cell phone to class, when i returned back from the class, i saw around 20-25 missed calls and a dozen texts, some asking and some telling me about Sam's death, he was in college only that time. I remember my first reaction was that it must be a joke, i mean how can it happen out of nothing. They said he met with a Bike Accident last night and i started to think that the news was real once i talked to Bunty(a close common friend) but he was also not 100% sure that time but soon, after a couple of more calls, it was confirmed, Sam was not with us anymore. My mind started racing, thinking of how we met in Vikas and then i suddenly realised that we chatted online (thank you Gtalk)  the very night before his accident and i logged in to my Google account and i read it for about 20-30 times continuously. It was impossible to convince my mind and heart that Sam was dead, like i didn't wanted to believe he was dead, like i wanted to change everything.

Enjoying...was so good! bunty, sam and me :)

All said and grieved, you feel life is such a bitch, when looking back in time you see that, no matter how much you cried, no matter how much you cursed everything, no matter how much you wished for this world to end, this life goes on, you move on with those pains and you live, you are forced to a lifetime imprisonment to life, and that sucks, more than anything else.

Memories!!!

  Life, You Suck!!!

Memories

And it all began, when the end was near
now it ceases to end, there's only pain and fear
i tried too hard, fought back to stand tall
it wasn't my choice, i never wanted to fall
stand up, move on and fight back i was told
is that even an option, can memories be sold ?



you can't come back, you have gone too far
you told me this and gave the deepest scar
but too many things left unsaid, this isn't the end
i will wait forever, even after my back bends
standing up against all the odds, i rise to fight
to hold you again and keep forever in my sight.

------

Playing in my head - "Falling stars" by JET

Dhoni and Nehra, u SUCK...really ?

I HAD TO WRITE THIS ONE.

i didn't plan to write this, but the moment i opened my Facebook page, i realized i had to write this. not to stir your souls or to make a point...i am writing this for my own sake, for my mind and for my soul.

Mr MS Dhoni, what was the need to face 37 balls and score a MERE 12 runs for your team, anyways that would have just pre-poned our defeat by an over, right? what was the need to stick on the crease for so long when others were throwing their wicket away like they were used condoms? what was the need to use Nehra in the last over when you had Harbhajan Singh available?

Mr Ashish Nehra, why did you bowl the last over? why did you go for a six and an UNLUCKY four in your last over when we wanted to win the game?

from the TV room to the lobby of snack shack where i witnessed the last over of the match, i kept hearing people blaming them and what's worse, abusing them. well, we are good at abusing others. i mean when we don't spare our own friends, why should we spare these mere mortal normal human beings who are trying to make us proud by winning a effing cricket match for us. i am one of them i admit, i also take a lot of pleasure in abusing others, i guess thats our way of showing love, isn't it?

tell me guys, did it ever cross your mind...why dhoni wanted to bat till the 50th over? why didn't he tried for big shots in the slog overs like others did? 

lemme answer this. i believe that he wanted to bat till the last over to add whatever he could to stretch our total.as he pointed out later - "The second powerplay, what is important is you don't play for the crowd you play for your country. We should have batted the full fifty overs". he wasn't at his best, i admit it too but so were Pathan,Yuvraj and Kohli. but just think if these 3 would have played sensibly without throwing away their wicket and added a minimum of even 5 runs each, our total would have been 311 and i am not adding the contribution by the lower order cause i don't expect them to do miracles when other so called specialist batsmen went down. and don't you think 311 would have been better than 296 in any damn case?

i reckon most of you hate Dhoni because he isn't playing his natural sparkling game any more but that doesn't means you have to blame him for everything. yes, he makes mistakes cause he is nothing but a human being like us, but he shouldn't be cursed for all the mistakes that the team makes. and as far as choosing Nehra over Bhajji is considered, i am sure you all will agree that to whack a spinner is easier than hitting a fast bowler. too bad that it wasn't nehra's day nor dhoni's and so we lost but still to blame Nehra for this defeat is like acting like those kindergarten kids, the way they blame the floor for hurting them every time they fall down. this coming from someone who was never a big fan of Ashish Nehra.

Basically, its all about India. you all want that India wins, just like me. times like this are the one when our team needs us the most. instead of blaming them and abusing them, show your support cause there is always a next chance and we learn only when we fall.

secondly, we don't deserve to say anything. they have earned their place in the team and we are just sitting in our tv rooms without feeling the pressure the way they have on their broad shoulders. please don't over burden these shoulders with your curse but extend your support to their tired shoulders, they will surely accept a fresh pair of hands to support them. after all, JEETEGA TOH INDIA HI, kisi bhi haal mein!

cheeers guys...for INDIA!

here is a quote that crossed my mind from the movie Robin Hood -

''Rise and rise again until lambs become lions''

------

PS - i am not a big fan of DHONI or NEHRA. i have loved SACHIN and DRAVID always, they are my fav players.
-----
Playing in my head - "Nightmare" by Avenged Sevenfold

A Proposal for DEATH

a gift of god this life they say
too much to learn and too much to see
drama without a script and our part we play
dirty game of fate impossible to flee

we come, we love, we bond and we thrive
with a fear that soon the bells may toll
steal our loved ones and leave us to cry
death they call it but time still rolls

death, i won't bow my head before you
wont let you take my world away with you
won't give up till words happily rhyme
you feel lonely, let me be your valentine


death, they fear you but i am not afraid
whatever may come i will stick to what i said
won't let you steal for whom my heart beats
you feel like a butcher, let me be the meat

death, why can't you leave their soul in peace
do you like it when they curse you for the deceased
i don't fear you but to lose who are my own
you feel like a hang man, let me be the con

DEATH, i hereby propose you a partisan deal
cut my throat, let me bleed, do whatever you feel
take my life a million times but leave them in peace
head held high, i will suffer your wrath unleashed.

--------

Playing in my head - "Save Me" by A7X(Avenged Sevenfold)

A World Not Too Far

i have heard from people too wise

about a world they say is not too far

a world free of pains, hues and cries

where no one dies and there's no war

so i look for it around every single shiny night

as darker days are spent in hiding from my plight

a world where no one fights for a shrine

where no one cares about borders and dime

where black and white are just colors of life

where speaking your mind out is not a crime

a world where dreams don't come at any price

where growing up on numbered streets wont smear you bad

where fate won't even dare to steal a love from your life

where singing a serenade won't brand you frantic and mad

a world where making mistakes is just fine

where even satan would struggle to survive

where every gentle soul would happily thrive

where life is a bliss and humanity smiles

so i look for it around every single shiny night

as darker days are spent in hiding from my plight!

 ----

Playing in my head - "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins

Until Hell Freezes Over !!!

i like to call it "Until Hell Freezes Over"...








Some days to remember, some days to forget,
a tomorrow to believe in, a past to regret;
a cloud of memories, showers rain of agony,
as drenched in my misery, i sing this symphony;
this misery gives me company, just like a mistress,
as we spend every night, making love in distress;
the shadows never leave me, as i try to act sober,
there seems no end to this, until hell freezes over...


some days to arrive, some days for good-bye,
a dream to cherish, a reality hard to buy;
a rose of October, was the fragrance of my life,
now thorns are what left, hurts more than a knife;
i drink this goblet of pain, like a nectar so divine,
and i love it in my system, just like bitter wine;
still the shadows never leave me, as i try to act sober,
there seems no end to this, until hell freezes over...


that's it people, my first tryst with poems/songs on the blog...do comment and let me know your views!

pic courtesy - www.selfhelpdaily.com

hiding from the FUTURE

future - well, its one of those things about which i really think a lot, really much more than i should. but i just can't help it because it never spares me, haunting my soul like nothing else. its not the future in respect to wealth, position, family or career etc. the future that i am referring to is the LIFE that i will have once i enter corporate world accompanied with family ties and responsibilities. no, i am not afraid of responsibilities, nor am i afraid of working my ass off in some stupid MNC after leaving my first job in a MRC(just in case). but what i really hate is the fact that i will have to give up all that freedom, all that fun and all that moments i am enjoying right now. college life, when you have found that perfect comfort zone, will rock you like a hurricane and make your life a joyous ride in a roller coaster, giving u thrills, shocks and head banging times which finally comes to a perfectly happy, never to forget halt in the end.
i know that we might still live the same life, still go for movies, still hit the pubs and discs, still get into a fight(though not for a stupid reason like we do in college) and much much more but accept it or not, its never gonna be the same, not even close. and i am really scared to live that life, because it will just be living, it wont be romancing with life, like what it is now. and stop racing your mind in case you think i am being pessimistic, cause if i am being anything at all, then its called being realistic. i have seen many people change once they are out of college, once they are out on their own legs in this mean world and i am sure you will find more examples around you...and for god's sake, i don't wanna change. thoughts like this really bother me, and i let them do this because i can do anything to escape this nightmare. i want to live my life my own way but the fact that i would never be able to do so makes me more depressed and disheartened.
10 years down the line, i may be anything and i really don't care what...but this life i have, i will miss it just like i miss kurt cobain, or in fact maybe more than that. there won't be anymore night-outs, no more continuous leg pulling, no more endless discussions on useless topics, no more day dreaming, no more post exam discussions, no more adda-baazi, no more downloads of all types of soft-wares and games possible, no more counter strike(how can i forget this), no more parties for the most idiotic and meaningless achievements, no more late night goof-ups, no more vellapanti, no more group viewing of our favorite movies again nd again...nd besides these and many things else that i can't single out now, no more endless sessions of doing nothing but sitting in company of all your buddies and passing time doing nothing.
i know, i still have a MINIMUM of 1.5 years or 1 year actually before i have to leave my comfort zone and step in to the real world...but i guess i am not yet ready for it. oh, i wish i could just keep on repeating these times again and again. please god, if not this, then at least give me a PENSIEVE so that i can store all my memories there and review it whenever and wherever i wish. these are the times when i am forced to think that life is such a bitch and it sucks so much. we all keep running away from our past at sometime in our life, and i am not different from each one of you out there. along with running away from my past i am also trying to hide from my future even though i know both are impossible, but u see, that's what the world calls "HUMAN TENDENCY" and i am one among them only. good night world :)

pic courtesy : blog.northstarmanifesto.com