Less winning and more about Losing

Winning feels great, always. No matter how petty the awards are, it never comes in the way of celebrating that happiness which comes with winning. Obviously, we all want to win. 

Losing is a little different. You won't certainly feel happy but feeling sad is actually an option, not a compulsion. This certainly isn't applicable to you if you are one of those hardworking people who took school grades seriously and made sure(or tried your best) that your rank in class never exceeded the number of stumps on a cricket field. This is applicable for people like me, who were just satisfied with a normal carefree childhood with grades that were enough to drag us onto the next class. In the eyes of this society, not winning is equivalent to losing. While winning is a quantity which is measured only by grades, money, properties and such visible things. Since it'd be unfair to presume that all of us share the same mentality, i will just excuse you all from this rant. So, for people like us me, losing is just another part of the race. I try to participate- sometimes i am good, sometimes i am bad, sometimes i fail and some times, well i do manage to win. I don't have much problem with any of them. Sab chalta hai. The unproven fact that remains silent and also the main reason behind this attitude is that one never gets back what one strives, sweats and prays for. Also, there are times when you'll get much more than what you deserved and/ or asked for. But, do they really cancel each other out over the course of time? I don't think so. Actually, they don't. 

I don't know the purpose of this post but since i have kissed this topic, i'll just add a little more insight to this phenomena. The People. Yes, for the people who are watching cum judging you, life is amazingly simple. Let me tell you why and i don't think many will disagree:

1. When you'll succeed, they will tell you that it was all God's grace and love that you managed it. 
2. When you'll succeed continuously, against their expectations, they will tell you that your luck line is stronger than Lakshman Rekha. They'll decorate you with adjectives such as Bright, Fast, Achiever and Intelligent. They'll also make you feel that you settled for less and that you were satisfied with the moon even though plenty of stars were up for collection.
3. When you fail, God goes on a vacation to Goa and all that you are left with is the lack of hard-work, dedication, commitment, effort and hunger. It all comes down to you. 
4. When you fail continuously, they'll say that it was expected and there is nothing you can do. You are lost and good for nothing. That, based on your track record, which in their cheap sense of life, is based on the marks you get, money you earn, size of your house, brand of your car, dowry you got and such petty things. 

Life is so simple for them, eh? Judging and weighing things, even emotions, huh!

Basically, people suck, most of them. I don't know how they weigh their emotions and passions. I guess, it all comes down to these parameters only for them. I tend to feel sorry for them but as soon as i see them happy with what they have got, it baffles me and instead i realize, at the end of the day, they are happy with their life and their thinking, then why should i bother. What the heck!

Let's face life. Let's do what we do the best, let's live. What has to be done, needs to be done. For everything else, you'll always have time. Cheers, to life, to people and to the bitch they both try to be at times!

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I'll wait for November

I'll wait for November
music can stop entertaining now

I'll wait for November
misery can dance with me now

I'll wait for November
hell can burn even brighter now

I'll wait for November
Green day fans can return the favor now

I'll wait for November
issues can multiply now

I'll wait for November
winter can make its way now

I'll wait for November
you all can hate me now

I'll wait for November
you all can judge me now

I'll wait for November
flowers can bloom proudly now

I'll wait for November
the queen can wake up now

I'll wait for November
destiny can sleep with luck now

I'll wait for November
words can go die happily now

I'll wait for November
sorry, it's too late to return back now.

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The music has stopped!

The Puzzle: Make or Break Piece

At this point in life, i can't really claim any bright ray of light or some life changing scenario in the near future. To make things simpler, i don't really want any such thing. To make things even simpler, i don't really deserve any such euphoric moments for atleast sometime. It is another story, how things that i don't deserve are either kept out of my reach by Life or else they are discarded by my principled sensibility(hopefully, for the best) and wisdom(or maybe the lack of it).

However, this puzzle of life that beckons, can very well do wonders or can make the situation even worse. That's why this make or break piece, which can divert quite a few roads, is playing with my mind and soul. It won't take much, maybe a week or two, but a lot depends on this final piece and to be honest, i don't know what i should pray for. This because, even though if that piece turns out to be the evil one, it can very well turn out to be an Angel in disguise. While, if it turns out to be the good one, the 'maker', then it can mean a course of life i was prepared for and the most easy one of the lot. Right now, almost everything will make complete sense if the puzzle is completed. The promises will be kept, judgments will be delayed, truth shall prevail, confidence will be intact and much more.
Anyways, i don't know what may turn out of this puzzle finally. It can make or break, as i just repeated for the 68th time, a lot of things. Well, I'll just wait for things to clear up. Can't claim what's right and what's wrong but whatever it may be, it is me who has to face it and only me who has to solve it. This realization kind of calms my heart and hysteria, probably this will see me through too. As i have learned from a pretty-down-to-earth guy, to quote him exactly,"I know what I am and what I am not... and I'm prepared to suffer both!". 
Not many things have been said more sincere than this line. This line is what i pray for and this line is what i wish could always guide me, through thick and thin.

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Playing in my head: "Tere bin nahi lagda dil mera" by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

The Fuel

It wasn't brand new but
dusty, rusted, tested and a survivor
still in his prime people said
long way to go on the road ahead

It won some races, some exclusive ones
they said it was good, gifted, blessed
no one saw the dampness of sweat beneath, drenched
the wheels rolled, under him and burned

A new set of tires, every new race
an ant among rats, it ran and ran again
a picture on the dashboard, the fuel
a hope in accomplishment, so cruel

The picture, fading like an old tattoo
the hope, flickering like a distant star
the fuel, running out of life
the race still on, intense and rife

Exhaust pipes, thick and cloudy, kissing the drain
black, wounded, blocked and blazing hot
some spirit for fuel it takes to quench the fire
but they wither out too, times are so dire

The engine is broken, yearns replacement
fuel spent, none in sight, one in mind
it craves for a garage, far off, in solitude
away from the race, zillion faces to elude

It ain't a quitter but it ain't no god either
without the fuel, it can't face the race ever
not always a winner but always a good finisher
but without the fuel, it can't face the race ever, never...

I am unable to end this poetry, it can go on and on i guess, such is the power of unstoppable bullshit. Huh! But, i have a race to face and hence, i must leave. Let's just hope, the fuel replenishes before the body parts give up, along with the engine and the exhaust pipes.

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Playing in my Head: 'A Bad Dream' by Keane

That very thin line between

• being smart and being a smart-ass
• being generous and being stupid
• being a success and being a sucker
• being successful and being arrogant
• thinking good and moving your ass to do it
• dislike and hate
• proving a point and being evil
• destiny and luck
• hard-work and the point above
• this | that
• Perk and Munch
• realism and people's perception of it being mega optimism/pessimism
• marks scored and people's perception of your ability
• marrying for security and marrying for marriage
• society's definition of marriage and practical definition of marriage
• love and whatever soul is left of that distorted word
• money and happiness
• Robert DeNiro and Leo DiCaprio
• DiCaprio's acting and the Academy Award jury's preferences
• present day Bollywood Actresses and Barbie Dolls
• Cameron Diaz in 'My sister's keeper' and Surprise 
• this movie 'A Separation' and all the bloody good adjectives you can think of about any goddamn movie, a master class.
• Joe Pesci's killing moves and an Indian middle class woman doing laundry
• my poetry and flop forgotten songs
• Recycle Bin and Twitter
• books and boobs, the spelling only
• Catherine Earnshaw and most Women
• Mario Puzo's description of sex between Sonny Corleone and his sister's bridesmaid and Literary Orgasm
• Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley and Hallelujah by Bon Jovi
• secular India and secluded India
• huge, posh apartments and the small dependent basti outside it
• Football and Religion
• Sachin and God
• Paul Scholes and Rahul Dravid
• Humans and Humanity
• what we see and what we judge
• being right being self-righteous
• being persistent and being super-imposing
• an Ass from the pornos and an Ass from your acquaintance
• the work of guitar in all RHCP songs
• almost all country songs
• being human and being a responsible driver
• falling in love and fallen in love
• hope and survival
• satisfaction and the idea of it
• everything you thought and everything else that happened
• what you deserved and what you accepted/got

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Playing in my head: "Challa' from Jab Tak Hai Jaan

Arranged or Love: Regrets, Happiness and the Blame Game

The biggest problem with Marriages in India is not if it’s Arranged or Love but actually it is what happens after the marriage. The ideology of the common Indian mass and the much-cared-but-useless opinions of the Society make any kind of Marriage a big problem, much bigger than the question of Love and Arranged Marriage.

Let’s go 2-3 years into the marriage (Love or Arranged). What happens if the marriage doesn’t works out well and both the sexes involved aren’t satisfied with what they have got? Suppose one of them is not a so called supporting partner. They give their best shot and try to make the marriage work but still they can’t, it turns out to be a failed marriage. Evidently, they ‘should’ look forward to a divorce and prepare for a new life, find a new soul mate and move on with life, a hopefully happy one this time. But, this doesn’t happen. On a cinema/magazines based point of view, Divorces are not frowned upon in the upper-class community but this is not the case with the middle-class and lower-class. In these communities, Divorce is still a disgrace and most of the divorcees/divorced males are perceived to be a loser and a blot on the false vanity of an even more disgraceful society.  Besides, as cruel as we humans are, no matter how much you want to but these people won’t let you move on and will keep on reminding you of your sad past, making it a worse-than-Everest-climbing task. As it is going, I can’t see the mentality of the society we live in changing in the recent future. Thus, As of now, I can only see majority of the Indians going along with their Married Life whether or not it is working. Accept it. A bitter truth.
So, on the risk of facing these humiliations either you go ahead with the divorce or else you silently survive the pains and live an even more humiliated life forever with your partner, dying a slow death with false optimism and fantasies(which is a more common phenomenon).

Now that this point has been explained, let me come to the question of Arranged Marriage and Love Marriage.

You can search for the ‘Love of your Life’ but since not everyone is so lucky to find/get their love and you are still very much left with ‘your life’ which must go on, thus settle for the next best thing, arranged marriage. Even though Arranged Marriage is a blind gamble (not-so-blind) but still, there is nothing in this world that Love and Trust can’t do. After all, you can’t live all your life alone without marrying, can you? If yes, congrats! If no, the answer was above, go for it.

Now, if you really have to decide between Love and Arranged marriage, like in a very dire situation. I’ll give you a simple Talisman. If you go for Love Marriage and it doesn’t works out well then you’ll have only yourself to blame, but you won’t have any regrets for the rest of your life. If you go for Arrange Marriage and it doesn’t works out well then you’ll have your parents and family to blame (wow, large number of options) which will make the suffering a tad easy but you’ll live a life full of regrets.
Since I don’t want to sound pessimistic and cruel, either way if your marriage works out well then all these regrets and blame game don’t come into picture and you’ll continue to live a happy and fulfilled life and that’s what I wish each one of you reading this post. Cheers!
Coming back to reality now, the choice is yours…which life do you want?

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This post is my entry for the Indiblogger Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage! contest.

For more details, check out:  http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

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Playing in my head: 'All by myself' by Eric Carmen

Remembering College, Embracing Reality

I never had to face a crossroad but there was a time when i did come across two very different roads and i took the one which wasn't less traveled. I had my reasons, you'll find your own but you will have to choose a certain path, one path out of the ones you encounter. So, better pray for a single path and wish that it turns out to be the best for you.

16 July, 2008...Orientation. Then it all started. 4 years of bliss, ultimate freedom and rediscovery. Man, unbelievable! College started from the next day. 5th block with a room-mate of my hometown. Things looked good. 4 years later, things look unbelievably amazing.
Needless to say, time flew like that early bird, who was eager to poop as soon as possible in order to go catch the worm. College may not be the same everywhere but i bet people enjoy this Life to the maximum wherever they are but screw you, mine was better than yours.

These 4 years were important even though it might need some more time to prove the written and for the effects to show up or the defects, maybe. The favorable part of this era was that i had the sense to retrospect each semester. Every 6 months, it was a new lesson and a new beginning of the same old chapters. Not in the 3rd year though, that one year passed with the speed and precision of an expert sniper's reflexes. Also, it was on target too as it was painful at times and was full of disappointments. It was too fucked up to give a fuck about and i was so glad when 4th year started. I never got a chance to look back on 3rd year until 4th year started and when i did, it really did scared the shit out of me. Not because it was a big disaster but because it could have gotten so much worse, there was immense scope for that. Man, it was something. soon, 4th year took on full speed and life kinda came on track.

I'll remember these 4 years for:

• Friends, what would have life been without them.
• The Freedom.
• Rediscovery of an untested passion
• Realizations,  good or/and bad. 
• People, Society and why they suck.
• Wrong decisions and how to correct them.
• Forgiving, the ones who matter but not forgetting anything/anyone.
• and finally, more Friends.
• And yes, the Final year. Topping them all was the last night. It was when i figured out what they exactly mean by 'Emotions Overflowing'.  

Phew, A journey of a Lifetime. Easily unforgettable and the best teacher, ever, of course after my Father.
Finally, as i always say:

"People who miss their school the most are the ones who never went to college or the ones who are geeky nerds."

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Playing in my Head: Radio baj raha hai, too many songs!